It has been a while

I let blogging drop for a while because the misunderstandings continued even after all the discussion around my last blogging hiatus. I’m not sure why I feel the need to resume, other than missing the role that blogging played in working out my thoughts.

I really feel like I’ve finally turned the corner on putting the last two years behind me. I was previously making good progress on the emotional front but came to realize that I had done very little on the lying/deception front. And in some ways that was more damaging to our relationship than the emotional betrayal. For one, it lasted a lot longer (being about 14 months from first major lie through final honesty, maybe even add another two months where she was doing her best to dance around questions and continue to cover up things). Anyway, as part of the fight we ended up starting on a list of realistic marriage vows. It was something I had suggested before, but Becky had previously stated that she would just go along with it to make me happy/help me. It wasn’t something that had any real meaning for her and so she would just be going through the motions, which wouldn’t really have helped me at all. (Way too first-wife-ish).

If we can manage to get them put together and detailed enough without devolving into a list of rules, we might actually be able to make this work. I think it is the kind of turning point that can help to anchor the change in direction of my thoughts. Just like my farewell letter to dad helped with letting go of him, this could help me let go of our past and do a better job focusing on our future.

The prednisone is wearing off as I’m tapering down on doses, but even so I think the core change is real and lasting, even if the momentary euphoria was steroid enhanced :) .

I am excited to have taken the next step in moving stuff from the old shed to the new one. With that, and starting to have some room to walk around / move / organize in my garage I’m beginning to think I might be able to get that under control again, and be able to do woodworking in the garage.

I’m actually able to walk all the way around the bike now. So maybe I’ll be able to finish putting the bike back together and see if it runs, or if I will need to pursue some professional help. I am strongly leaning towards fuel injection if I can’t get the carbs sorted out reasonably well once they’re back together. It might be a bigger can of worms. But it is a can of worms I think I understand better :)