Yesterday was a very tumultuous day. I felt very on edge/uncontrolled/etc almost all day. I tried to joke some about some things, but it was still way too early and they fell flat or ended up into a serious discussion that just wasn’t fruitful.
I just want to be done with this phase of the process. I expected it to be a challenge, but I didn’t realize just how tough it was going to be. Just how deeply ingrained that desire was, and how hard it was going to be to let it go. It is very easy to want to slip back to that place. And even though it doesn’t quite fit anymore (because of what I know), it is still more comfortable due to my long acquaintance with it, than where I am now.
I feel like a lot of me has been bulldozed down to the ground. Which is good for building sturdy new aspects to a relationship, but not a very comfortable or comforting place to be living in the moment.
I’m kind of liking shorter / daily or almost daily snippets. That might give me an interesting perspective on tracking my mood and growth (or lack thereof).
I’m starting to get more comfortable on the bike, going around a truck in standard sportbike-esque fashion on Front Street this morning. I just hope that I’m not doing anything too horrible to it riding it while I assemble the rebuild parts for the carbs/intake.
I just realized that I don’t have a term of endearment that I use with/for Becky on a regular basis. That was a somewhat sad and sobering realization. She doesn’t have one for me either, but it still seems like a strange void, at least culturally.
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